by Michelle Dykema

2013 approached with a scream. I was in yet another failing relationship and this one just so happened to be my marriage. I was in miserable spirits, depressed beyond belief and wondering where this path called life was taking me. Pushing 230 pounds and feeling absolutely defeated, I decided to go for a walk. I pulled my large, ugly red headphones over my ears and began listening to Eminem. We all know the vulgarity he raps to and it helped me to get my anger, hurt, and frustrations out mentally.

I began taking these walks more and more frequently. Eventually my attitude towards life started getting a lighter tone and I managed to shed 20 pounds of not only weight but negative emotions and burdens.

With a few months of walking, my body reached a plateau of the ability to lose more weight. At a loss, I reached out to a close coworker who was big into fitness. I had begun growing a hunger to get myself into shape and it needed to be fed. My friend introduced Kim into my life.

I despised gyms and had had an experience previously that made me fathom them all the more. As I walked in the door I took note of this gorgeous blonde haired "model" sitting at a desk.  She looked up and stood from her chair.

Ooooooohhhhhhhh Nooooooo!!!!!  Admiration changed ever so quickly to fear - this "bleach blonde Barbie doll", was she to be my trainer?! What was my friend thinking?!!!! Anger towards my friend for doing this to me festered. This girl was going to look me up and down in pure disgust as to how I'd let myself go. What could she possibly know about being over weight?

She analyzed me with eyes that to me, appeared to be so critical - as she gave me my first assessment. I felt ashamed. I was extremely weak and filled with cant's rather than can's.  As I signed the dotted lines that now made me a member of Kim's gym, I couldn't help but to wonder how much money I was going to be throwing out the window.

The first few months were grueling. I was always in pain after my workouts and my muscles throbbed but the numbers on the scale and pants around my waist continued to drop. The pain I felt every day began to be the new normal and it was a good reminder that I had had a great workout. The pain became more of a feeling of comfort.

It was a rough go with Kim at first as neither of us could read into what the other was feeling or thinking and conversation was a struggle. Slowly, but surly we began opening up to each other and this was when I learned of Kim's own struggles with weight and I shared with her some fears about losing weight. I had once wanted to be thin so badly that I became borderline anorexic and it was easy for me to go to both sides of the spectrum. I also realized that Kim never looked at me with disgust but with the eyes of a sculptor.

Over time Kim and I have developed a strong bond and we can sometimes be heard across the gym laughing as Kim goes through my "torture sessions". It is fun making the entire gym laugh at our craziness while getting our work-out on.
Kim has been a great advocate both mentally and physically throughout the past few years. Weight loss and muscle building is a constant struggle and she is aggressively helping me to attain my goals and ambitions. Meal plans, face time, accountability (yes, including pictures of my meals when she knows I have been misbehaving), and she won't let me forget about the cardio portion of the workout.

I still have my ups and downs. The struggles are real and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The most important thing to remember is to never give up. You only succumb to failure when you do give up and give in.  I have gained a great friend, role model, and confidant within Kimberly Allen Bazzle.

And...I FEEL GREAT!!